Crystal Hearts
by ihatetosayitoldyouso
Summary: "What I thought I understood and felt in all my time with Ezra could not compare to even that single moment when Jason kissed me. And in that single moment, if only just for a minute, finally, everything seemed to make sense and everything became clear." Post 2x09, Jaria, Oneshot.


**Disclaimer: I do not own Pretty Little Liars or any recognisable characters. No copyright infringement intended. Not written for profit.**

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><p><em>That shouldn't have happened.<em>

"I'm not available," I struggle to find the strength and whisper.

I watched as Jason's eyes glazed over; an array of emotions flashing furiously in those hauntingly beautiful green orbs. It was utterly exquisite the way his face fell, it was entirely heart wrenching, his pain and anguish pulling and tugging on my own heart strings. The windows to his heart and soul that used to be so full of expression, so open and inviting, waiting to be read, was now shut so tightly and immediately replaced by a brilliant façade of normalcy. His facial features masked by a fence, like the one he'd constructed around his house, as if he'd designed it to protect himself, erected it to keep me out.

I felt the distance growing further and further between us, despite us being mere inches apart. I couldn't help but feel as if something significant was taking shape, something that neither of us could control, something awful and unwanted. The profound loss of a friendship that had flourished despite the current madness that was our lives, a bond that had formed in spite of all deceits and doubts. He was slipping away from me to a place where I couldn't reach him, to a place where I shouldn't reach for him.

With each passing second I felt a greater desperation growing within me and wished to the gods and every other deity known and unknown for the power to rewind the hands of time, if only just this once. I wanted more than anything to see the love and hope in his eyes for just a moment longer. Perhaps also, a lingering thought whispered to me, another chance to this time muster my courage and just say "yes, I do care," a chance to see where this, us, where we might go.

I wished that I might feel those deliciously plump lips on mine again. Oh how I wanted to feel that fiery heat and that passion pulsing within me. That pleasure surging its way throughout my body, burning its way into my bloodstream, flowing freely in my veins, at least for a final time. I wanted to fly. I needed to feel…

_I need to go. _

A sea of angry waves crashes unrelentingly on my conscious thoughts and forced me back up to the surface for breath. It pulled me back up to see the light, to face the brutality of the truth and of a forgotten reality. _Ezra._ And as quick as his face appeared in my mind, I realised all to suddenly, Ezra was waiting for me. And I forced myself to walk away despite the pounding of my heavy heart.

_Don't look back. You must not look back…_

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><p><em>Why is it so hard to breathe?<em>

An ocean of words and hundreds of fantastical worlds surrounded me and yet for the first time in my life I could not find the words to convey or explain what needed to be said, and the irony was not lost on me.

"Aria, what are you trying to say?"

And then, in an instant, it occurred to me that perhaps I did make sense, and maybe he just didn't quite understand _me_. Perhaps that's why I'd always felt inadequate, why I never truly felt completely comfortable in his world. Maybe it was because I didn't _belong_ in his world, and just maybe it might be because I didn't belong with _him_.

_I feel trapped. _

From the heady scent of dusty hardcover classics overflowing the shelves and littered on every imaginable flat surface, to the sweet melody of vinyl records echoing throughout the apartment, and even the intoxicating aroma of freshly brewed coffee, it was all Ezra, it was a part of me as well. We shared so much in common, but it had become suffocating somewhere along the line. The familiarity that I once associated with comfort, adventure and escape was now nothing more than a monotonous routine, nothing more than a farce depiction of what we use to be. It was as if we were trapped in time, forced to relive the same day, everyday. The thrill and solace that sneaking around with Ezra once brought, hiding together locked up in our own world, no longer held the exhilaration or challenge that I needed, that we needed to nurture and sustain our relationship.

But what was it then that we fought so hard to keep? What was it that we were trying to preserve here in this confined space? As my eyes scanned this tiny, cramped place he called home, what was my refuge once upon a time, I realised that his entire flat was a symbol of our relationship. It was a statement to what we'd always be, it was a representation of what we'd never become.

_Maybe this is where our story ends._

I used to thrive on adrenaline and fear; the risk that Ezra and I might get caught together somewhere we shouldn't be. I used to have an insatiable appetite for forbidden fruit; I was addicted to the temptation, see. I think I may have mistaken that rush for passion; I might have even mistaken it for love.

"I want…no. I deserve more, and so do you."

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><p><em>"…<em>_I also care about you. I wanted to tell you on the off chance that you might feel the same way…"_

I could hear his words replaying over and over, a thousand times in my head, it was driving me insane, as if his voice were a broken record playing on repeat. However, the sweet lulling sound that was his angelic voice, so pure, so peaceful, had me hooked as if I were placed under some mesmeric trance. See, he had uttered those romantic words that I had dreamed to hear since I was younger, when he was just Jason, Ali's mysterious older brother and I was just Aria, the girl with the pink hair.

_I want you… _

And then he kissed me. And even now, I could still feel Jason's soft, sensuous lips pressing ever so gently, ever so tenderly on mine, giving me the sweetest kiss I'd felt in awhile. His lips so luscious and full, so delightfully decadent, as if I were finally sampling ambrosia; he was always calling to me in my dreams and I couldn't help but crave for more. Every minute that I had spent with him in the past had felt like hours, as if I could spend a lifetime in his presence, wrapped in his embrace and it would never be enough.

I remembered feeling his hand tangled in my hair, the other gripping my hips, pulling me closer and closer and closer…and the slightest touch of his tongue, teeth and lips moving lower and lower and lower, kissing and sucking along my jaw down to the nape of my neck…His shallow breaths hot against my skin, making weak in my knees. I could even recall the scent of his cologne enveloped all around me like a blanket keeping me safe, warm and protected.

All those delectably sinful sensations, those expressions of love and passion that I had constantly read about, that I'd seen portrayed in films and illustrated in art, that I searched for in all my teenage years, that I'd hoped to share with Ezra…I was so wrong. I completely misunderstood, misinterpreted and confused my emotions. What I thought I understood and felt in all my time with Ezra could not compare to even that single moment when Jason kissed me. And in that single moment, if only just for a minute, finally, everything seemed to make sense and everything became clear. My world didn't stop spinning, my problems didn't just magically disappear, and the world still wasn't perfect, but Jason was there and he had become my focus point. He was all that I needed to see and that was enough. And I finally understood that this was the precise reason why I had always been so drawn to him over the years.

_…__But I care for you too._

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><p><em>Did I realise too late?<em>

The soft, summer breeze sung a slow lullaby as the crickets chirped to the same romantic tune. The gentle wind was cool and refreshing against my skin and I welcomed it. I found Jason sitting alone outside on his porch; the pale moonlight highlighting his caramel hair, ruffling it slightly in the breeze as the iridescent light danced along his body, accentuating his every perfection.

A spark of curiosity lingered in his eyes. A silent question begging to be asked was as clear as the stars shining in the night sky above us, though he did not need to say a word. There was always a silent understanding with Jason. Where other's thought him to be mysterious and dangerous, to me he was like an open book. All you had to do was search those deep green pools to find your answer and fight the urge to let go and drown in their depths.

I missed him. I missed us. Where Ezra was predictable, Jason had always been dependable; he had always been there to offer me support, even when comfort could not be expressed in words. Yes he had his own problems to overcome, he had fought to stay sober and he had his secrets too. He was human and so was I, and there would be no need for pedestals and illusions because he _saw_ me and he _knew_ who I was, just as I saw him and accepted who he was, in spite of all our imperfections. What we had seemed purer somehow and perhaps that was why it was worth so much more to me. Perhaps, it was the rarity of such a connection or even the fragility of it's very own nature, that meant that it was that much more precious, that much more beautiful. Maybe, that explained why I felt a need to protect what we shared that much more fiercely.

"I just wanted to tell you that I do care for you, you know, on the off chance that you might still feel the same way," I told him with a cheeky smile, repeating his declaration, the one sentence that had invaded almost all my thoughts and dreams these past weeks.

With a chuckle and a spark of remembrance twinkling in his eyes, he then asked me, after a moment, "Wanna come inside?"

The End.


End file.
